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Archive for the ‘health and well-being’ Category

First week back at the gym in over a month.  I am feeling it, but feeling it in a good way, in a “holy shit, I think I can already see my biceps again” way.  My gym is holding a Biggest Loser contest.  Everyone puts in 10 bucks and then the winner (weighed in April) will take the whole pot.  Last year it was like 400 bucks.  Dude, I am so entering that!  And I am going to win.  And when I win, I am going to buy new clothes.  In a smaller size. You heard it here first.

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3747343278_dd3a27e899Recently, I have been having this constant pain in my jaw which will not seem to go away (hence me calling it a “constant” pain).  I went to the doctor and she immediately prescribed pills.  Antidepressants, as a matter of fact.  Just at a much lower dosage than would have been prescribed for someone with depression.  At any rate, that got me to thinking back to the summer I spent with Linda working at her herb farm and learning about herbal healing as a much better alternative the meds that doctors are so quick to prescribe.

So, I have yet to find the cure/treatment for my jaw pain, but I did find some yarrow growing in my yard and made a tincture.  What is yarrow good for you may ask?  Well, it is used to help control heavy menstrual bleeding, shrink fibroid tumors, cool hot flashes, soothe cramps, heal bladder infections, reduce fever, relieve colds, flu, coughs and sore throats.  It can be also used to stop bleeding and heal wounds.  All this without a trip to Rite-Aid.

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Yesterday I ran 2 miles!  For many, this ain’t no big deal.  For me, this is huge.  Like break out the bottle of champagne and put on your Sunday best honey cause we are celebrating, kind of huge.

2 miles.  That equals 3.218 kilometers which actually sounds further.  So when you tell your friends, tell them I ran a 3k yesterday.

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31200685I chose to take a step class because I want to get my fat ass back into shape.  I did not take your step class because I wanted to hear you sing.   Because guess what?  That freaking song “Free Your Mind” is annoying enough as it is without you screeching it through your headset and it reverbing off the walls.  Also, I do not want to join you in any singing, hooting or hollering.  I am not the “woo-hoo”ing type of girl you seem to keep mistaking me for.  My ass hurts, my legs hurt, I can’t breathe, my boobs are flying all over the place, I have sweat in my eyes and you are asking how I’m feeling.  Really?  Really?

And another thing, I think you need to learn to count.  If a step is called a “three knee repeater”, then shouldn’t you only do it three times?  Why do we a do three knee repeater eight times?  Nine would make more sense.  Then we could say we are doing three three knee repeaters.  But eight?   This makes absolutely no sense.  And when you tell me we are going to do something two more times, don’t think I don’t notice that we actually do it four more times.  I’m on to you and your sneaky little ways.

And what is the matter with you?  Why don’t you ever take a sip of water?  Maybe in weird step instructor land you robots don’t need to rehydrate, but here in the land of reality when we exert ourselves, we need water.  We need to breathe.  Yes, breathing is nice.

And all your words of encouragement?  Enough already.  Why don’t you try a different route?  How about some honesty?  Instead of, “Looking good team.  Looking strong,” what if you said what you really thought?  “Don’t quit on me now fat ass.  Keep moving.  You know why this is hard?  Because you’re lugging around thirty pounds of fat…. now do something about it!”  Maybe that would motivate me a little more.  Instead of being perky and bubbly, what if you just barked orders at me like some sort of drill sergeant?  Then I could have a real reason to hate you.

Okay…. see you next week?

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Well, it has been almost two weeks now since I started “Project Kick Laura’s Ass Back Into Shape”  (also known as PKLABIS) and I must say I am feeling better about myself.  I have lost six pounds so far and I am up to running (with intervals of frenzied speed walking) a mile and a half.  My arms muscles have reappeared, god how I missed seeing those things.  Last night it was cold and rainy and I was settled on my couch at 6:15 with no desire whatsoever to get up and go to the gym, but I thought about how good I would feel after and I got up and headed out.  No excuses.  The better I treat my body, the better I feel about myself.  And lets face it, I haven’t felt too good about myself in a while.   Yesterday when I turned down a delicious cinnamon roll from Nezinscot, I felt good.  I felt strong. This is what its all about.

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I am back on the health train.  I quit smoking in the end of March and haven’t had a cigarette since, not one little drag.   Big f-ing deal here folks.  Me, smokey smokerton.  No cigs since March, not a one.  However, my ass has paid the price.  I weigh the most I have ever weighed.  Ever.  It is disgusting.  I am embarassed that I look like this, that I let myself become this big, that I have just not cared enough about myself to stop.

I’ve had enough.  I refuse to buy another wardrobe because nothing fits.  I will not buy another pair of size 14 pants ever again.  I am done.

So I am back to eating right.  I don’t want to use the word “dieting” because we know how that goes.  Lose it, feel good, start eating and gain it all back.  I am making “lifestyle choices” instead.  Eating the right things.  Going to the gym.  Drinking water.  Getting my fat ass back into action.

I may use this blog to sort of chart my progress, so I apologize in advance if you are not that interested in hearing about how I really, really wanted that cookie or how I want to kill my step instructor.  Oh well, deal with it.  Or read some skinny person’s blog instead.

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This Summer I Will:

1. Take a photography class
2. Go to the Bangor Folk Festival
3. Sit on my front porch and drink strawberry margaritas made from fresh strawberries
4. Go to a movie at the drive-in theater
5 .Spend at least one day in a lawn chair at the ocean with lots of trashy tabloid magazines
6. Picnic near a waterfall
7. Go to a contradance
8. Volunteer
9. Get my garden going eventually
10.Have a camping weekend with no phones, no computers, no outside connection

Care to join me?

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